The Zaftig Chronicles

Damn, Mail-to-Blogger! Whenever I write a post via my cellphone, Blogger screws it up. So when my posts are one big blob of messiness, blame Blogger (and my clumsy fingers). I like to take advantage of all the things blogger offers; I just wish I could do it better. Bear with me, please, as I become more adept at blogging.

It's Sunday, which means it is time for my introspective drive through the North Shore . I've filled little Ziplock bags with tart green grapes, honeydew, and strawberries. Today I'll listen to 80s music, eat my fruit, and reflect on my life. Get out today and take time for yourself.

It's Friday, and I'm at home, online. Just two minutes ago, I received an email from a reader of the blog, asking if I am at home for Friday. "Where the hell are the Friday Night volumes?" the reader wrote. Well, I was under the impression that chronicling my Fridays was something I'd do when something interesting happened. Nothing interesting has happened -- unless you count applying cream to my feet or watching Rome  On Demand (I worship On Demand).  So there, I've given you my Friday night. No dating, no sex, and no fun. Wait, I take that back; I actually liked tonight. I ate strawberries and yogurt for dessert. It's fun to be in it alone sometimes. That's all for now. Jan will be here soon, from visiting Henry, and we'll most likely finish off a bottle of Diet Coke and the big bag of gummy bears stashed in my pantry. Tomorrow is grocery shopping, prayers that Rita isn't too harsh, and living.

According to Him, I have trust issues. He discovered this while propping his feet on my desk, and dipping into my bag of bagel chips. This is getting interesting.

I admit, I've faked orgasms, but not in the way most people think. When I fake it, it's more like forcing my orgasm to happen. So it's more like for real faking or "fraking" -- fraking is making an orgasm happen when it's apparent my partner is not going to do it for me. There's an art to fraking, which I'll get to later, but for now let me illustrate my last fraking episode. I use my experience with Kevin back in March of this year. Kevin and I had been seeing each other for about a month, when it was time to hit home base. The night began with dinner, wine, the usual. Then we headed back to my place, where we proceeded to eat each other alive. Ten minutes after entering my apartment, my bra straps were snapped; a lone Jimmy Choo, kicked off in the throes of passion, sat on my window's ledge. My underwear and my VS stockings were pretty much the next day's garbage. Atmosphere, he was giving me atmosphere -- ripped clothing, passionate kisses, ...

So, we had the duck, along with a really delicious orange sauce. The sauce was so good, we asked the waiter to make us a "doggy pint" to take home. Already, the sauce had dressed a chicken that Jan roasted, giving the skin crackly, crispy perfection. Fried mushrooms have pretty much soaked up the rest of the sauce. The sauce is truly food porn. Okay, about our date: Well, it was like last time, only with better food and a therapy session thrown in.  It started off simple -- "What can I do to you tonight?" he'd asked before the complimentary white wine had even arrived. "Nothing," I replied, "I'm just here for the duck." Dinner continued. First was a pine nut, romaine lettuce, and orange wedge salad that came with a tangy lemon and sesame seed dressing. Then it was a perfectly cooked roasted duck with the orange porn sauce, and the best tasting xiaolong bao  in all of Chinatown. Dessert was mango pudding. After we'd spooned the last of...

Okay, here's the thing -- I'm completely swamped; both at work and at home. I'm too swamped to blog coherently either way.  (Not that I ever did.)  Jan is going to be staying with me for at least another week, and I will be on supportive friend duty. But when things become less stressful, I will resume writing on here. I promise to return with goodies.

Thanks for your kind emails, but I'm fine. I'm just taking a break. Jan's partner is in the hospital, and I'm hanging out with him to offer support. Blogging will resume shortly. Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.