The Zaftig Chronicles

On December 12, 1979, at 6:03 am, I made my way through the birth canal and into the light. It's my belief that when people say "Go into the light" when a person is dying, that the person is simply being born into another life. You leave the dark confines of the womb and glide into the light of a brightly lit hospital room and new life. But I digress. Bald, weighing eight pounds, and screaming at the top of my lungs, I realized that even as a newborn I needed to be heard.  My first gift to myself was to sleep until noon. I even let my alarm clock go off at its scheduled time of 7:30 just to rub it in that I'm sleeping in late.  As soon as I got up, my phone rang -- it was Paula. "Zaftig, I know you're off, but [big client] is here and he wants to meet everyone on the project team. Can you be here by 1:30?" "Sure," I said, sounding overly chirpy. A long time ago, I learned that only you can ruin your special occasions. If you allow things to ups...

While still on this whole sensibility thing, I headed to Menard's, and purchased a sunflower shower head. It's truly beautiful and sensible. I've already tested it out with some sudsy raspberry sorbet body wash . It was like taking a shower under a waterfall.  What's so sensible about purchasing an oversized shower head, you ask? Well, it's sensible to take care of myself and to make myself feel good. And you know I love me some shower . So investing in a beautiful shower head is truly a sensible thing.  I like this sensibility stuff.   In other news: I'm taking Jan to New Hampshire for Thanksgiving. New Hampshire is where my maternal grandparents live, and where I have spent all my Thanksgivings since birth. Jan's excited -- he wants to make meatballs and some dumplings. I'm sure the family is looking forward to munching on something other than the traditional offerings.  I've already booked the tickets. Besides, I need someone to help me make fun...

Is it okay to forego lunch for a stretch in Nordstroms? I don't know why I do it. I tell myself I'm going in just to look , and I end up spending $150 on philosophy's brilliantly titled products .  I was going to pick up some lunch, and...well, before I knew it, I was back at work, packing bags into the trunk of my car. And I'm starving. Food will have to wait -- I have a meeting at 1:30. As you can see, it's one in the afternoon and the firm is going nuts.  I'd kill to light an aromatherapy candle right now and forget about the world for an hour. I'd kill for some dim sum right now. 

My Saturdays usually begin at noon. I use the weekend to indulge in sleeping and showering, I make myself a big breakfast and then shower. Then my leisurely day can commence. This afternoon, I made myself French toast, strawberry salad, and orange juice. I ate while reading the news online.  Alone, fed, and informed is how I've spent my Saturdays for the last two years. I'm making peace. Another ritual is my shower. I spend at least 45 minutes showering like a sud-obsessed maniac. I swear, I finished off a whole bottle of apple winter candy body wash last weekend. And last night, after work, I stopped by my temple -- Bath and Body Works -- to stock up again. As I was browsing the wondrous collection of washes, lotions, potions, and fragrances, I knew being a woman is truly a blessing. I get to smell fabulous, have long hair, wear eyeliner, and pretty bra and underwear sets. Plus, I get multiple orgasms with the right partner. I just got back from the grocery store; another wee...

I wear Clinique's Happy most of the time (even though I own more than forty perfumes), but when I'm going on a date, I prefer the number one man-eating perfume out there: Azzura . This stuff is powerful. No man can resist it. And when it's strategically sprayed in certain spots -- spots you know he will nuzzle and caress -- it's even more powerful. Such was my evening last night. Azzura not only roused him, it drove Him MAD. Azzura was delicately sprayed on the inside of my thighs, the back of my neck, both wrists; I placed a gentle dab on my cupid's bow. I took a Kleenex and sprayed it with this magical scent and wiped it across my breast. I even used a spritz it in my freshly-blowdried hair.  I then stood in front of a fan and let the air diffuse the intensity of the scent, so that I didn't go out smelling like a perfumery. (I don't recommend this amount unless you do the fan trick). What was left was a delicately scented woman, squeezing her thighs togeth...

I love this shampoo . It's only $19, and it keeps my color looking fabulous between appointments.Plus, it smells so good. Aromatherapy for sure. It's summer. Clinique's Happy is the quintessential summer scent. Must refill quickly. Who doesn't want to smell like ruby red grapefruit this time of year? I think being out of my Stila's lip gloss is the most devastating thing. The poor tube is all rolled up, with sharp edges. I'm seriously thinking of taking a pair of scissors to it, and using my fingers to scrape the sides. Desperate. But for work, this cheap pot of sweet goop will have to do. I once owned twenty-three (I counted) of these lip glosses at one time. It's a cheap fix at only $1.99 Work.