The Zaftig Chronicles

Last night, Jan brought over gay porn for me to watch. I asked and he brought. Several things about gay porn I've noticed: 1) The men are incredibbly, sinfully hot. 2) The men have impeccably styled hair. Full-bodied, lustrous hair. 3) A blowjob is all about suction. 4)Trimmed pubic hair on a man looks hot. 5)Tan lines can be drastic and still hot. 6)Men like their nipples tweaked. 7)Anal sex looks fuckin' sexy. 8)Two men in a shower? Yum. 9)Having sex in your socks only? Not an issue. 10)Music is so danceable, you don't know if you should watch or dance.

Let it be known -- I hate medicines. They reek of population control. You know, swapping one illness for another, all the while thinking that multicolored Tylenol is saving every organ in your body. But your liver is like, um, yuck. I don't think it's a surprise that there literally exist a medicine and diagnosis for everything. But this recent ad I came across takes the cake. So it's a muggy and hot Monday afternoon (remember, I hate summer so I'm certainly not in my bestest of moods) and I'm driving to the North Shore to drop Diana off at the Dentist. You'd think a woman with a mouth dirtier than a New York subway and balls big enough to tell a man she'd piss on his face as a thank you for buying her a drink wouldn't need a "support buddy" to go have a tooth LOOKED at, would you? Well, she did. I was miserable. I was hot, my hair was a frizzy mess. I could feel the curls on the back of my head drawing up into a shrub. And Diana's going...