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Being Mommie Dearest

In keeping with my Joan Crawford theme for the last three Halloweens, this year I've decided to attend the office party as Mommie Dearest. Yes, I have my 1940s wig, my open-toe cone-shaped heels, and a jazzy, snazzy floral print dress with shoulder pads out of this world. And of course, I've decided to walk around with plastic hangers, and inform anyone within one inch of me: "NO WIRE HANGERS!!" 10 points extra for my cold-cream covered face.

Last year, I was Joan Crawford from the movie Mildred Pierce. No one understood why I was wearing thick red lipstick, boxy-as-hell shoulder pads, and why I was acting fidgety. "Does anyone fucking watch classic films?" I remember shouting over the phone to Diana.

"You're 24, Zaftig; classic for you is Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman," replied Diana.

"Yeah, but not everyone is my age, Diana! I think people were being ignorant on purpose."

Everyone has seen Mommie Dearest, and so this costume should be a bit more conspicuous. Right now, Jan's working on procuring a silver flask to complete my look. And at some point, I'm going to say booze and take a fine swig.

This should be mighty interesting.
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