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The Revelations of Gifts

I'm a firm believer in the gifts your friends and family give you for your birthday or any other gift-giving occasion reflect how they think of you. A gift-card? That means you're hard to buy for; A gift certificate? That means they know where you like to shop, but they don't know what you like to buy; A novelty items like a plastic tit that squirts "milk"? That means they don't like you.

What exactly does it mean when a co-worker gives you your birthday gift early, and it's $500 dollars, in crisp $100 dollar bills, and wrapped in an expensive Pucci scarf? What does it mean when you've fucked that co-worker? "What the hell is this?" I asked, shocked.

"I'll be in New York on your birthday, so I wanted to give you this today," said Steven. "The sales lady said all women love these scarves."

I swallowed thickly, "I-I can't take this!"

It wasn't that he was giving me too expensive a gift, I've had plenty experience in that, it's that he gave me cash. Cash! NEVER give a large sum of cash to a woman you've only known for a little time. I felt as if he was paying me for my services. 

I handed the "gift" back to him. "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is right for me."

"Why?" He took the gift back. "I thought you would like this. Maybe you can buy some shoes or something."

"You take the money and buy me a gift; I don't want cash," I said.

"What would you like?"

I'm a firm believer that the gifts a man buys for a woman says a lot about what he thinks of her, so I said, "You buy what you think is right for me."

And so we wait.


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