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The Lowdown

So now that many of you know I am alive, I think it's time I explain to you that I almost wasn't. In mid January, I went through an extremely tough period. I lost my job, my sister showed up to my door at 2 am, screaming hysterically that she cant do it anymore, I was avoiding Steven on a daily basis, because I was scared of the way I was craving him. it was bad. But just as things spiral downward, they climb upwards. And the only thing I regret about the tough spot is that I didn't turn to the blog to vent (because I really needed it). But now things are peachy-keen, and I have learned a very important lesson about life. -- things won't always be bad (or good), and there will be light again. I sat in the dark for a day, just being numb, wondering why. Then the numbness turned into a tickle, and then I remembered I was alive, I have friends, money in the bank, experience. It's hard to be numb when reality makes you know it.

My job fired me after I confronted a misogynistic client. Actually, I stood up for women worldwide, when I blurted out in the middle of a presentation: "Mr. ___________, I think your view about women wouldn't make your mother very proud."

Well, Mr. _________, just stood right up, walked over to me, got in my face, breath smelling like pastrami and rye, and said, "I'm not rich because of what others think of me, including my mother."

I wanted to go insane on him, but my boss was eyeing me like a hawk, with his eyes telling me to be strong. In all my life, I've never felt so powerless. Here's this wealthy, successful man in my face, letting me know that I'm just as disposable as the women he so hates. There was a terrible heat in my chest, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "Okay, well, I'm sure your mother regrets bringing a man like you in this world!" I said. I gathered my paperwork and left the office. I needed to cool down. I didn't return to the office, and instead went and ate falafels. When I got home, my boss left an infuriated message, telling me that I couldn't return to work until further notice. So I was...fired.

Three days later, I was sitting in the dark, crying, when my sister showed up. She'd drove all the way from Rockford to collapse at my door. "Honey, I have my own problems!" I shouted at her. I made her some teas and let her sleep in my bed. In the morning, I found out she'd just been rejected by some man who lived in her apartment complex. I comforted her and then told her she could stay with me for a few days. Darkness.

The next day, light. My boss called and apologized for getting upset that I walked out on a client. He pleaded for me to return back to work. I happily accepted. And the next day I strutted into the office, feeling my most powerful. And while Mr. _______'s mother wasn't proud of him, I was rather proud of Zaftig.

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