So there I was, standing in line at Walgreens, a bottle of orange juice and a box with the acronym e.p.t. stenciled across it in my hands. The orange juice is there to make me feel better. This is no big deal; just a city girl buying orange juice and a pregnancy test. There's an old white-haired lady behind me with a tube of KY Jelly and tampons. Okay.... In front of me is a middle-aged man, looking jolly with chubby red cheeks. "Hurry up," he barks to cashier, "I left my car running." Well, so much for jolly. It was my turn. I manage to stop my hand from shaking long enough to put my things on the counter and pry my wallet from my handbag. I paid and fled.
Jan's waiting in the lobby of my apartment building, chatting up my doorman. When he spots me he frowns. "Oh, look at you, honey," he says while hugging me. "C'mon, baby, let's get this over with." I smile, comforted by his genuine concern. When Jan's being comfort, his accent thickens considerably. His accent is thick as he calms me on the elevator ride up. "There's nothing to it -- just whiz and wait. We will not go dark."
"Go dark" is Jan's way of saying not to stress out over something. At that point, I hadn't gone dark yet, but I was sure going dusk.
Once inside my apartment, we read the instructions: For a more accurate reading, test your urine when you first wake up in the morning. "Damn," I shouted.
"There're two tests here," said Jan. "We can use one right now, and in the morning, you can try again."
Instantly I feel better. See, that's why I need Jan around me at all times. Honestly, Jan is so important to me. He makes the world a better place.
The test said to hold the test strip in a stream of my urine for at least five seconds. Old feeling surface as I position myself for the test. Remember when Michael held the test strip for you, because you were too nervous to hold it? I smiled. We both were nervous. We swore we wanted no lines, no positives, no colors. We wanted to leave that bathroom single, child-less people. And we did. Back then, I was a bit disappointed that the test was negative, but not because I wanted a child (deep down, I didn't), but because I wanted Michael. Getting pregnant by him would have given me him forever. It was a silly notion, and a half-hearted one.
This time, if the test had screamed YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT, AND YOU NEVER WILL BE! I would kiss it and make it breakfast.
I waited five minutes before I removed the cap. Jan was given read duty. I handed him the test, and squished my eyes shut. "Yes or no," I said, weakly.
I felt Jan's breath on my cheek as he kissed me. "NO!"
I opened my eyes and snatched the test from him. No lines. I was not pregnant. Relief. But only for a minute; when I realized I still have to test in the morning. Jan made me get dressed and took me out for soup. We didn't discuss pregnancy or the test, instead we discussed work. I avoided mentioning Steven's name. Just thinking about him brought on anxiety.
The next morning, I did the second test. No lines. Negative. Relief.
I don't think I'm pregnant, but aunt Flo better show her ass soon or I may have to investigate her disappearance.
So no lines, and a girl is feeling swell.