Skip to main content

The Glamour of Being Single

"Since when is it glamorous to be single?" Viv asked, over fried gobi and delicious, fragrant basmati rice.

Since 1998.

Ever heard of a show called Sex and the City? Being single-ish is glamorous in the Big City, don't you know? You get to plunk down $500 for a pair of shoes that kill your feet, drink endless cosmos, and complain about how men are too complicated. You get to eat at exotic restaurants -- because being single means eating out more -- and throw wine-tasting parties and spend lots of time investing in yourself. You get to do the whole therapy thing, too. Fashionably so!

A relationship would only ruin things. Because then you'd have to put up with his less-than-perfect hygiene, his dirty clothes scattered all over, the way he handles money. Yuck! He won't understand why you must have that handbag or those shoes or an expensive pair of sexy jeans; He'll want you to make home-cooked meals, do his laundry, cut his hair. 

Where's the glamor in that?

I dipped my cauliflower in the sweet tamarind sauce and took a big bite. "When being married became boring," I said instead.

We ate, we debated, we went home. She, the Married Woman, and me the Single Girl. She was going home to a devoted husband, a cute beagle, and a nice, big home. I was going home to work, a laptop, and a vibrator. 

Somehow the glamor got lost along the way.

Popular posts from this blog

Broiling Alive

Some of you might not be aware of this but Chicago has morphed into the fiery pits of Hell, with atrocious sunburned feet to boot. See, this is why I hate summer, for this exact reason. Why do people insist on wearing flip flops in the sun? I can't tell you how many hundreds of sunburned feet I witnessed just last week alone. Jan managed to drag Diana and me to the beach on Sunday, where we both proceeded to bake and die immediately. Jan didn't care -- he was busy working on his "sex tan." You know, the kind where there's a dramatic tan line around the hips. The Swedes sure know how to tan, don't they? you would think with them being Nordic that they would just burn to a crisp, but no -- golden brown goodness all the time. This weekend, Diana's apartment was a cooling center. We conked out with old Glamours and iced raspberry-lemon tea. I don't know why Diana is afraid to throw away magazines. I swear there is a 1997 issue of Glamour with some supe

"...'Tis the Season.."

To be fucking jolly. If by jolly the saying means destroying a much-loved pair of shoes while Christmas shopping. That serves me right for shopping for cashmere sweaters, pearl earrings, and DVDs in four-inch heels, in this seriously fucked weather. Okay, so I wear Uggs out the house, but then I slip my feet into a sinful pair of stilettos when I reach my destination. Sure, frumpy Walmart queens and flat-footed soccer moms are staring at my shoes and wondering how do I do it. Do I tread the slushy city streets in foot porn all year round? Hell no. I know the power of creating porn with your feet, and so I try my hardest to present the most hardcore of porn. However, a day shopping with Jan will render every pair of shoes with impractical heels major softcore. Jan must go to every store in Chicago and the suburbs to find an effing antique lamp "that will fit perfectly in Henry's store." Jan explains that lighting is important when people are spending their money. "

Showing Off...Again

Within minutes of coming to work, I was in His office giving him another eyeful. "I thought about you all night long," He said, while wanting to touch me. I didn't let him. "I'm in your office way too much. People are going to know something," I said. He didn't care. We hugged for a long time; me getting a deep whiff of his sexy cologne. Then we reluctantly separated.  "See me before you leave?" I nodded. What's the deal? Is this strictly an office thing? Is this where the excitement lives? Sure it all feels good, but what's really going on here?