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Introspection of the Necessary Kind

There's nothing more capable of producing introspection than possibly becoming a parent.

Boy, things start to show themselves to you in a different light. What if I were pregnant? (And yes, Aunt Flo is still MIA!) I'd have to find a bigger apartment, a nanny I trust, breast pumps. I'd have to save money for his/her Ivy League education. 

Basically, I'd have to stop being selfish. 

Being an adult means selfishness 99% of the time. The world literally revolves around you; no matter how self-important that may sound, it's an unembellished truth. We have to look out for ourselves -- that means feeding, bathing, caring, and various other activities that revolve around us and our well-being. Having a child depend on you for survival changes things up, and somehow the world starts revolving around your child. When a woman chooses to reproduce, she is relinquishing her self-importance for a very just cause.

That's how I know having a child right now is not for me. 

Abandoning selfishness takes true grit, and I just don't feel I am able nor ready to take on the responsibility and altruism having a child requires. But I know one day I will be ready. Just not now. 

And I'm okay with that.

Look at me: writing as if I AM having a baby. It's just that I wondered what if I really were pregnant? Honestly, it would have been a deep blow. But with all that said, I think my current life will pretty much remain the same. I enjoy sex and so I'll do what I enjoy. But maybe I'll look into a more secure form of birth control.

It would be selfish of me not to.
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