I confess: I am a sinner. And according to the gospel I am going to hell in six-inch stilettos (Prada, of course) in a handbasket. For I have engaged in all the deadly sins and some not so deadly. What's even more sad is that I can recall specifics of when I engaged in a deadly sin.
Lust: Oh, this one has been sinned out. In fact, I think my early twenties alone is enough to assure me a place in hell. I've lusted after everything there is to lust after -- men, married men, men with money, men with no money, men who want other men, men who want women who want other men. I've lusted for kinky sex that involves expulsion of bodily fluids from both partners. I've lusted after cops because of their uniforms; have had some wicked thoughts about being brutally frigged on the hood of a police car while at least fifteen cops wait there turn. Yeah, girl has Lusted plenty. Check.
Gluttony: Well, this sin is committed at least once a week. I've overindulged on expensive food more than I've needed to. I've spent $150 on dinner for myself on more than one occasion and ended up throwing away most of it. However, I think my best example of gluttony is Fall '04. Jan and I had been water fasting for two days trying to detoxify our bodies of impurities, when on the third day we decided if we're going to break a fast, we'd best do it glamorous. So off we went to Tank, a sushi joint we frequented, and ordered about $300 dollars worth of crap. We ate until we felt one with the sea; ate so much we both puked at the same time. Afterwards, we found ourselves in the drive-thru of McDonald's ordering large fries and non-diet 7UPs. Check.
Avarice: I think a look through my storage room will pretty much book me a ticket to Hades. Shoe greed counts, I think. Product greed? I think so. And of course stealing stationary off the desks of others because I just have to have more stationary is avarice as well. Oh, and playing the lottery when the jackpot reaches the hundred-millions may qualify also. That means half the country is going to hell and all of Texas. Check.
Sloth: Love this sin, especially on the weekends. I've been known to lay in bed all day on a workday or not shower until midnight after laying in bed all day and evening. But the best moment of sloth was when I laid in bed all day watching Fawlty Towers on DVD and gorging on rocky road ice-cream sandwiches (rocky road ice-cream and Basil Fawlty do make for sinful times) instead of popping over and helping Viv sort through her attic. And hey, isn't this sloth AND glutton? Oh, dear. Check. Double check.
Wrath: Not much of this sin in my life. But I did flip off the idiot in the white Volvo who cut me off on my way to work. I entertained thoughts of pulling him out of the car and whizzing all over his face. Yeah. Check.
Envy: Not much of this sin in my life either. I think because of my own self-importance (which is another sin, I think). However, I did once envy Bethany Wellesley in college because she'd discovered a way to NEVER have roots in bleach blond hair. How is this possible? She was a natural dark brunette. I had roots a day after getting my hair done. But not BW. Nope. Never. And she claimed she did her own dye job and that she was broke. So how? Bitch. Yeah, check.
Pride: CHECK. Going to hell on that one alone.
Off to work.
Lust: Oh, this one has been sinned out. In fact, I think my early twenties alone is enough to assure me a place in hell. I've lusted after everything there is to lust after -- men, married men, men with money, men with no money, men who want other men, men who want women who want other men. I've lusted for kinky sex that involves expulsion of bodily fluids from both partners. I've lusted after cops because of their uniforms; have had some wicked thoughts about being brutally frigged on the hood of a police car while at least fifteen cops wait there turn. Yeah, girl has Lusted plenty. Check.
Gluttony: Well, this sin is committed at least once a week. I've overindulged on expensive food more than I've needed to. I've spent $150 on dinner for myself on more than one occasion and ended up throwing away most of it. However, I think my best example of gluttony is Fall '04. Jan and I had been water fasting for two days trying to detoxify our bodies of impurities, when on the third day we decided if we're going to break a fast, we'd best do it glamorous. So off we went to Tank, a sushi joint we frequented, and ordered about $300 dollars worth of crap. We ate until we felt one with the sea; ate so much we both puked at the same time. Afterwards, we found ourselves in the drive-thru of McDonald's ordering large fries and non-diet 7UPs. Check.
Avarice: I think a look through my storage room will pretty much book me a ticket to Hades. Shoe greed counts, I think. Product greed? I think so. And of course stealing stationary off the desks of others because I just have to have more stationary is avarice as well. Oh, and playing the lottery when the jackpot reaches the hundred-millions may qualify also. That means half the country is going to hell and all of Texas. Check.
Sloth: Love this sin, especially on the weekends. I've been known to lay in bed all day on a workday or not shower until midnight after laying in bed all day and evening. But the best moment of sloth was when I laid in bed all day watching Fawlty Towers on DVD and gorging on rocky road ice-cream sandwiches (rocky road ice-cream and Basil Fawlty do make for sinful times) instead of popping over and helping Viv sort through her attic. And hey, isn't this sloth AND glutton? Oh, dear. Check. Double check.
Wrath: Not much of this sin in my life. But I did flip off the idiot in the white Volvo who cut me off on my way to work. I entertained thoughts of pulling him out of the car and whizzing all over his face. Yeah. Check.
Envy: Not much of this sin in my life either. I think because of my own self-importance (which is another sin, I think). However, I did once envy Bethany Wellesley in college because she'd discovered a way to NEVER have roots in bleach blond hair. How is this possible? She was a natural dark brunette. I had roots a day after getting my hair done. But not BW. Nope. Never. And she claimed she did her own dye job and that she was broke. So how? Bitch. Yeah, check.
Pride: CHECK. Going to hell on that one alone.
Off to work.